1. I realized what it means to be a good manager. I was doing career discussions with 17 staff members the entire week. One writer in particular made me feel so good about going to work. I asked what were the possible reasons for her to leave the company and she said: “If you are no longer my boss”. I probably blushed like I haven’t done in a long time. It came at a time when I really needed to hear something like that. To be dead honest, I’ve been having doubts about some decisions that I’ve made. Drastic measures were taken. Decisions were made. I don’t think I did all that bad.
2. I realized (and my family actually told me) that I am more in love with my boyfriend than he is with me. That sucks. I never thought I would be in that kind of relationship. I am somewhat a control freak, and this just throws everything out the window. I am at that point where I will sacrifice a lot to be with him. Ugh. To make matters worse, I’ve been reading Twilight this week and I just can’t seem to see the point of being so in love with a person. It turns out that’s exactly where I am. Am I glad he’s not a vampire or what?

• Year 1: She turned me into a vampire with her huge skirt as my cape. And lots and lots of “blood” which was really just lipstick smeared on my face
•  Year 2: Was my favorite. I was in the hospital with dengue fever for a couple of days, when I got home my costume was already prepared. It was awesome. It was a pair of jeans sewed on to a dressed up cushion with a head on top. It’s kinda difficult to describe, but it ended up looking like a scary humpback was carrying me on his shoulders.
• Year 3: I was Zorro…because I cut my hair really really short out of rebellion, I got to play a guy for Halloween.
• Year 4: I was already in high school by this time and I had a 24-inch waist line…so naturally, I got to be Playboy bunny. That’s still the hottest picture I have. hehe.

I think we stopped having Halloween parties after that year. I was in college by then. I had my own social affairs, so I still got to play around with costumes. During my first year, Malate Literary Folio had a Halloween party. My then boyfriend was a Japanese guy with spiky hair. We made him blonde and he became Johnny Bravo. He loved it so much that he actually got his hair permanently colored. That year, I had a head full of snakes and was Medusa. We walked around Taft Avenue and couldn’t get a cab to bring us to the venue.

I still do a lot of dressing up. I actually have sets for some staple roles: cheerleader, schoolgirl, she-devil, 70’s gogo girl. Last year, I did Oogie Boogie for Christmas. This year, I was the Corpse Bride. Kinda shows how much of a Tim Burton fan I am. I also dressed up as Zattana for a friend’s bachelorette party. I invested in pink wig so I can do cosplay when I get bored.

Queen of Halloween…that’s what I wanna be from now on.

I feel kinda off, but I’m not really feverish or anything. I took the day off to prevent that crazy episode that happened yesterday from happening again.

This week’s mantra: I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.

•  My boys in the office got sick. That made me really sad.
• I had another change in responsibility…more people, more work
• Joy got a puppy. A pug. That means it’s mine, too. hehe
• Had to attend a million disciplinary hearings + one more. Who really needs discipline in this case? Gawd, I hope they resolve it.
•  I’m on a 12-hour work day. Since my schedule now starts at 10am, I’m making it a habit to get to work by 7am…unfortunately, I usually stay until 7pm.
• My back hurts.
• I’m starting to doubt my management ability. Am I becoming too involved with their personal affairs?
• Someone is leaving — and it just so happens that he’s one of the reasons I’m in the company in the first place. I am somewhat depressed, but I can’t help but really feel so proud of him for making that choice.

Current mood: Confused. Sad. Happy. And a little bit hungry.

After two and a half years, it’s such a comfort to know that he really gets me.

“You are my rock,” he says.

And in a soft whisper, he adds: “Batong ipinukpok sa ulo”

Sorry, if you’re not pinoy you won’t get it. Funny guy, eh?

Sometimes I cry

It’s somewhat difficult to be a girl and “the boss”.  A lot of people don’t know this about me, but I cry in the office restroom when I’m stressed out about work. I recently told one of my boys about it and he did not know how to react. There was a moment of silence that was so awkward, I ended up laughing so loud.

Just for fun, I told him how difficult it was to break into a new crowd and how I’m having a hard time talking to someone in the office. Being the protective guy that he is, he said he’d punch the daylights out of that person. So ensued another laugh trip. It’s funny when you tell people about it.

Truth is, I still cry a lot. I act all tough when I’m trying to get things done. Behind the scenes though, I’m still such a big baby. I cry when no one sees me. I don’t want the writers to think I’ve given up. I don’t want the boys to see that I’m a girl and that sometimes I can’t deal with the stress. I don’t want my managers to think that I’m not all that. So for those things, I cry.

My Boys

When I first started out as a web copywriter, I was paired with two male designers. I’ve never worked with a bunch of guys before my job at iFLOOR, so that was fairly new to me. I had so much fun. I call them my boys. We talk about everything. They were the first guys to introduce me to the world of porn. We talk about sex and what it’s like from their prespective. We talk about girly things like make up and shaving. Then, when I’m all sad and girly (refer to the crying scene above), they always find a way to make me laugh.

What I love about them most, they get so sensitive about protecting me. They make sure they’re on the dangerous side of the street when crossing. They would threaten to beat up anybody who makes me cry. There was a time when this guy scratched the car accidentally and I started going crazy in the parking lot. The guard called the office and five of my boys came down with floor boards (imagine long planks measuring about 5 inches x 30 inches x .5 inch). It had to stop in the middle of my tirade of cuss words. That scene was just too hilarious.

Now that I’m in a different company, I didn’t think I’d feel the same way again. I’m so happy that I have boys again. They’re exactly like my designers in iFLOOR. They get all riled up at the thought of me crying. Hehe. I don’t think I’ll survive stressful work days without them.

 Enemies

Of course, the drama would not be complete without the enemy. There’s always someone out to get me. Thankfully, my direct supervisors/managers for the last six years have all been so cool. These enemies are people who shouldn’t even bother me..but they do. Oh well, that’s life.

So that’s work in a nutshell. If I didn’t have that, I probably wouldn’t even bother showing up everyday.

So back to my current problem: finding the cheapest/best places to grab a bite. So here’s my top finds so far:

•  Damn good sisig - Rumor has it that the best sisig in Makati is in Rada street. There a jollijeep there that’s really popular for that. I worked in Rada about a year ago but never ventured out of my safety zone (McDonald’s and KFC was the main fare back then). So last week, I only had about P150 in my pocket and was hella starvin. So I tried to find this sisig place. I’m telling you now, if you walk the entire stretch of Rada, you wouldn’t miss it. There were about 7 or 8 of those freestanding carinderia-style eateries but there’s one that has a really really long line. I went there about 12pm and waited in line for about 15 mins. The manong in charge of taking the orders was really friendly, he actually asked if I’m a first-timer. The obvious jollijeep sisig virgin that I was, I nodded shyly…I actually didn’t know how the system worked, so I was lining up in the wrong section. Anyway, I asked for two orders of sisig and he asked if I wanted styro with that. I said yes, and asked for rice as well. I didn’t know that the styro already had rice in it (duh!) so I ended up with 4 sets of rice and 2 sets of sisig costing me around P107 for everything. I think a single order — without all my extras would’ve cost P47.  Saving money was great, but you know what really made me go wow! It was literally the best sisig I’ve ever tasted! The cruncy concoction was mixed in with egg and had mayo on the side. They broke siling labuyo on top which added a bit of kick. It was bursting with flavor and had amazing texture. I actually finished an order in less than 30 mins.

• Cheap Japanese food - You probably wouldn’t believe it, but SM takes the cake for this one. I never knew that the area with rotisserie chicken also offers a little something-something. They have a very big serving of  Tonkatsu for only P55. For those unfamiliar with the dish, it’s actually just Japanese breaded porkchop mixed in with sweet egg (tamago) and special sauce. Usually has spring onions. Topped over a hefty serving of rice. I couldn’t finish this in one sitting and usually save half for dinner.
• Shawarma - I used to be a big shawarma freak, but it’s not really appropriate to eat this when you have several meetings after lunch. hehe. I could never get rid of the onion smell. Once in a while though, I take the risk. SM has the best inexpensive shawarma in Makati. This is near the supermarket area. A small order is P45, the big one is P55. They also have shawarma rice for P55..a good filing lunch if you’re trying to save money.
• Barkada lunch - If you’re not alone in your plight, a good alternative is to have a barkada lunch in one of the restos in greenbelt. Share the bill and get more for your money. One place I would recommend is Amici di Don Bosco - It’s been touted as one of the best Italian restaurant’s in Makati. The individual dishes are not cheap, but if you go for pizza as a group you’ll find that it’s more priced less than the big pizza places. If you’re really counting cents..then at least go there for the gelato. A cup is only P55..not bad considering they have the most mouth-watering flavor. yum

I’ll end the list here for now. There are also some fab food finds in Ortigas, but I’m really more familiar with Makati so I’ll keep exploring this city first.

It’s only Saturday, but I’m off to a great start. I realized that….

• I have the coolest bosses in the world - After the manager’s meeting (we call it the WIG session..it’ll take too long to explain why) yesterday, we stayed until around 9pm at their house. Just hanging around drinking wine. We talked about a lot of things…from politics to condoms. Never imagined I’d have that conversation with them. Then we had an extended drinking session over at Mike’s. Of course two of my bosses were also there, Mike and Teng. Had a blast. Got home around 2am. Was so drunk.
• I don’t know what to do with myself - Last week, I said I don’t want to do research and testing anymore. I’m kinda having doubts about that now. I’ll really miss working with the boss and learning so much. If I move to operations., I won’t have that opportunity anymore. Plus, I’m going to miss Lester. hehe. He’s our coordinator and I love talking to him. Wala lang. It feels like I’m working with Johnny again. Like he’s my semi-boss, but he doesn’t know what to do with me and I’ll end up getting him in trouble. I loved working with John Reign in Seacom.
• I drink way too much - Last month and this month, I’ve been drinking roughly every week. Sometimes even twice in one week. Poor Manny ends up picking me up from Makati after work each time. I decided to give him a break last night. Took a cab home with the QC boys.
• I love QC - Yeah, yeah. It takes me about an hour and a half to get home every night. Morning traffic is shitty. But I love this place! So many bars and food places. I’ve lived in the South, in Manila (Pasay) and in Makati. QC is definitely my favorite. I’m like 5 minutes away from Timog. That rocks!
• I love my man! - He makes me happy. Not being with him for the long weekend is really gnawing at me. I kinda wanna text him every minute because he’s in Tarlac. It’s fun to fall in love again after 2 and a half years of being together. My heart flutters at the though of him. Eeeewww.

The scene actually played out better in my head. I sorta started talking about not being happy with the workload and not even completing my tasks. Duh! I’ve gone crazy and just told the big bosses that I’m screwing up and I’m not happy. That was friggin’ idiotic.

But wait. There’s more.

I actually said I didn’t want to work under the big boss anymore in Research and Testing and I would rather stick with operations where I have better command of the outcome. Shit! I swear, when I have a bad week, I really have a bad week.

I wrote something a couple of minutes ago. Something about downgrading, but it made me sad so I decided to just erase it. Ho-hum. I can’t even think straight. All I want is a simple celebration with the people close to us. Then, I want my happily-ever-after. Why am I finding it so difficult to even imagine it at this point?

Probably the aftereffect of house hunting…then ending up in the middle of nowhere. We went to Rizal yesterday to look at properties. I thought it would be okay to abandon the city life that I’ve gotten so used to. We were looking for a less expensive place, probably in Cainta. The agent said that Rizal is the next development area. She failed to mention that the property was actually in Binangonan. It’s a 45-minute ride from Ortigas without traffic. Sadly, it’s the only thing we can afford at the moment.

On our way home, I couldn’t even find the words to express my frustration. I’m a city girl. I was born and raised in Makati and I lived in California for 3 years. I just couldn’t live in a place where I have to commute for 2 hours just to go to work. But being with him is where my heart is. I am willing to live anywhere just so I could wake up next to him everyday. I just hope he understands what I’m willing to give up for him.

What can I say? That’s love honey.