It’s time for a change
Posted by Vylette on 21 Jun 2008 at 09:33 pm | Tagged as: My life
Being sick the last few days actually made me realize something. I need to change my life.
I am selfish. I have so many blessings in life that I take for granted. I live in a nice home with an amazing room fit for a princess. I have a great family that has an odd way of showing affection, but I always feel loved. I have a boyfriend who is always there when I need him and is really a pillar in my life. I have friends that get me in trouble, but can make me feel so good when life gets bad. I have all the material things that I need and so much more. I work for a great company, with a job that I truly love. I have everything any 27 year old could ever dream of.
I am selfish because I keep forgetting to share my blessings. It’s not like I don’t, I used to do it a lot. I’ve been joining outreach programs since I was 16. I lived with Aetas for a week. I spent a day in that orphanage that got burned to the ground a couple of years ago (that really broke my heart). I worked with a couple of friends on a book drive and we were able to give away children’s books to the less fortunate. I volunteer for Special Olympics every year in college (and around 2 years ago as an alumni). Last Christmas we went to a children’s hospital to give them gifts. But it’s not enough. Lately, I’ve missed out on my duties as a Christian. I haven’t helped anyone but myself.
Today, I went to the mall — coughing, wheezing, sniffling and nearly fainting — to buy more meds. I passed by some stalls like the World Wildlife Fund and Greenpeace. I already pledged a recurring donation to WWF last week. I spoke to the Greenpeace guy (he was a bit surprised that I approached him when most people try to avoid them like the plague). I promised I’d be back on Monday to donate something and be a member. I hope I don’t forget.
One of my greatest dreams is to join the United Nations as a volunteer to feed the hungry children of the world. I said I’d do it when I turn 27 (which is the age they accept volunteers). I made a pact with a guy that had the same dreams when we were in college. He’s a family man now. We talked recently. He’s flies planes and he said that maybe someday he’ll fly me to Africa for that.
I, however, have no excuse but my own fear. I don’t want to leave the good life. Though the Philippines is a third world country, I have the best life. I go to parties. I’m always at out-of-town. I’m often at the beach. I’m found drinking with my friends at least once a month. I shop a lot.
Whatever happened to that girl who though she could change the world? She thought kindness would help alleviate suffering. She thought poetry would stir the emotions of society (just like Chile in the days of Pablo Neruda).
I miss her.
Hay, I have the same problem. Well, it’s not really a problem, more of a sentiment. I was this socially active person back in college — co-founding an organization that molded youths to become good leaders (with the Gandhi-inspired motto, “Be the change you wish to be”), joining the student council, being part of outreach programs, writing research papers on cruelty to animals and petitioning the ban on dog slaughter in South Korea, even writing poems on social issues (I remember writing two poems the night after 9/11).
I used to think that maybe I had grown really selfish. Then I realized that my priorities have changed. It’s so easy to think that we can change the world when we’re younger, knowing that we have all the time to worry about other people. But then when the bills come in, when family begins to depend on you — things change. You still want to change the world, but you’d much rather save the people you know you can save.
I still want to change the world, I still have dreams of joining the International Crisis Group after I get my MA (which is on hiatus, hay, sayang ang mga naunang credits), but I am more needed here at home, with my daughter-niece.
Maybe it’s the same for you. Maybe you don’t realize it, but your priorities have also changed. Besides, just because you aren’t as active before doesn’t mean you don’t care anymore. Every little thing counts. And there’s nothing wrong in enjoying a bit of the good life once in awhile.
Yay, ang haba ng comment ko!
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I too always wanted to change the world but what I have realized is we do change it by helping others, whether they be strangers or family or whoever. As long as we have a positive effect on those we come into contact daily, we are changing the world. I live in America and there is so much selfishness and bad behavior here. We should be Jesus to others which will produce good. I used to drink alcohol a lot as you do, but it does not really serve in inspiring the World for good, it is only a waste of time for me. I too have a great life with all the blessings you share, so I pray you will spend more time in helping others and less time at the bar.