Being a manager is not easy. It’s Friday night and I’m still thinking about work. I’ve made several big decision in the past month and I know upper management isn’t exactly going to be happy with all of them (specially the ones that entail additional cost). I’ve been doing a lot of little things for people I manage directly. I don’t think anyone appreciates it though.
You know that cliche..stuck between a rock and a hard place. That’s how it feels . My head is going to explode soon. Now I get what my manager meant two years ago. Not everything has to be cleared with the people. If it’s something to their advantage (say a bonus), they feel like the company owes it to them. If it’s something for the company’s sake, they’ll react like you’re being unfair.
I just hope I don’t get my ass sacked for sticking up for people, demanding more for them and making sure the team is happy. The sad part is, I’ve lost so many people in the last three months that I feel like a complete failure. One person due to health reasons, another due to pregnancy, another to motherhood. The fourth is for a personal reason. Is there something they’re not telling me? Is it just a streak of really bad luck?
I need this moment for myself. I need to bitch. Maybe drink a bit a lot. I don’t know. I’m sad, disappointed and just plain tired. I want to give up but the nagger in me keeps telling me to stick it out. What’s the worst they can do? Demote me probably. Ugh. Good luck.
I was perfectly happy where I was 4 months ago. I love my team and they love me back. I love my manager. I love the work. I used to go to work everyday because I was actually happy with everything. Even with my very first team in the company (where I am still recognized and treated like an adopted member), everything was rainbows and daisies. Those guys rock!
Now with the new group, I’m the outsider again. I’m going out on a limb here, I’ll try to socialize and actually be a better manager starting Monday. I’m sacrificing the relationship I have with my original team to try and get along with the other set better. I’m going to shuttle between two buildings just to make this work. God help me. I’m a social retard.
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